Xena carefully picked up a stick and moved it towards her best friend. One poke, two pokes, three pokes, Gabrielle continued to snore. Her chest rose and fell with each breath and her nostrils did a little dance as she snorted. Xena raised an eyebrow and contemplated smothering her companion. No that would do any good, she’d probably wake up and pull a “Xena *pathetic puppy look, add tears* you tried to kill me!”

“Oh Gabrielle?” Xena started in a sing song voice.

The Bard continued to snore, by the Gods if that woman could sleep through the downfall of Olympus what hope did our favorite Warrior Princess have? Xena shook her head and sighed all while pulling off a perfect pout.

After a few minutes Xena’s perfect blue eyes lit up with an idea and she couldn’t help but smile. She stood up, straightened out her shift, made sure she was showing more cleavage than Miss Known World and called out,

“ARES!”

The God of War appeared in record time, just like a good little puppy should. The blue sparkles hadn’t even faded when Xena grabbed him and initiated a kiss. When both were seriously on the verge of suffocating they pulled back and Xena looked down at Gag, ah, I mean, Gabrielle expectantly.

The Bard snored on in her own little dreamland. Ares and Xena looked at each other strangely.

“That should have worked,” Xena sighed.

“I agree, that woman has a radar when it comes to us. I think we need to call in an expert.”

“I agree, but who?”

The God of War and Warrior Princess looked at each other simultaneously. Now if this was a bad cartoon a light bulb would have appeared over their heads about now.

“Aphrodite,” the couple yelled in unison.

A bright flashing pink light appeared and a young buffed service boy materialized.

“My Goddess, Aphrodite, can’t be reached at this moment, please leave a message or offering and she’ll get back to you as soon as she’s finished with the new group of priests.” The boy pulled a quill and parchment out of his toga and waited expectantly.

“Aha.....” Xena drawled out.

“More information than I really needed. Just tell my sister that I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

The service boy faded away rather quickly without fuss. Xena stood fixated on the spot for a few moments. When she finally turned she pulled a strange face.

“I didn’t know Gods had an answering service.”

“We’re busy, messages need to be taken, it was the logical step.”

~~**~~

Iolaus walked along silently, a victory smirk plastered on his face. Hercules, his tongue hanging out in deep concentration, was crossing names off a little black scroll.

“Hey Iolaus, was it that chick, Evadne, that got eaten by that Hydra last week?”

“No, that was Hermione. Evadne died in that tragic fire a few months ago.”

“Bummer, I’m never going to find someone to go to the 3000th Annual Olympus Charity Ball with me tomorrow am I?” Hercules crossed two names off the scroll.

“Well my friend, you’ve dated half the population of Greece, Britania and Siberia, and you’ve also somehow managed to get them killed. Your chances are looking very slim.” Iolaus looked at his best friends behind, “just like you in those leather pants.”

“What?”, Hercules looked confused, then a moment of clarity came over his features. “Aw how nice, you think I’ve lost weight.”

~~**~~

“Well since I’ve got you alone, there is a very important question I need to ask you,” Ares started.

“Yes.”

“I was wondering if you...”

“Yes.”

“Would do me the honor...”

“Yes.”

“Of accompanying me to the Olympus Charity Ball?”

“Ye.....What?” Xena unsheathed her sword, rammed it into Ares gut and walked away.

“So that’s a maybe?”

~~**~~

Next week on a all new Xena.

Will Gabrielle ever wake up? Does Hercules successfully get a date? Will Iolaus run off to perform in a one man drag show?

These answers and more in next weeks episode ‘Days of Our Lives’, Battle on Xena!

Days of Our Lives