Ares looked at his reflection in the large mirror before slicking his hair back and smiling confidently. The God of War then proceeded to disappear in a shower of blue sparkles and materialize on the other side of Greece in a particular campsite.

The short blonde who had been in a coma for the past three days still slept on the ground, a colony of ants using her body as a base for communication. Occasionally she would roll over, ceasing their operations to take over the world due to the heavy loss of life.

Ares looked around. He blinked. Then he looked around again, just in case. It was just as he feared: Xena, his Destroyer of Nations, his honey bunny, was missing.

~~**~~

Hercules sat jiggling in anticipation waiting for his date. He pulled a thread from the purple vest he had been told to wear for coordination purposes and looked around nervously when he pulled a little too hard and lost half the top. Iolaus had promised that she was going to be one foxy lady and the resident demigod hoped his best friend could be trusted.

The door was then thrust opened and there stood the best legs Herc had ever seen. His blue eyes slowly traveled up the magnificent form to rest on his date’s face. Hercules promptly screamed like a school girl and fainted. When the guy that was voted ‘man most likely to have his wives brutally murdered’ back in ‘we wanna be a hero school’ came to, he woke up to the reality that his date was Iolaus in a dress. Now to be fair, Iolaus had gone to a lot of trouble. Six hours had been spent at Aphrodite’s Hair, Nails and Beauty perfecting his curls. Perfect eyeliner and lipstick had been applied and for a guy in a dress, he didn’t look that bad, although he strangely resembled the Widow Twanky.

~~**~~

“Xena?” Ares was starting to get worried. Xena would never leave the bard alone while unconscious unless something terrible had happened. Well, there was that time after Solstice celebrations and ten mugs of mead but that was a different story altogether.

Just when he was about to zap himself to ‘Olympus Lost And Found’ Xena came strolling up to the campsite and asked the most dangerous question ever asked of man. The danger wasn’t in the question so much but in the answer.

“Does this make my butt look big?” She smiled sweetly but behind those baby blues was a secret message, “get this answer wrong and you’re a goner”.

“No, why would you think that? Your butt is perfect, absolutely wonderful, I love it. You know that, why are you asking me this.....Xena?” By this time Ares was sweating and desperation had consumed his features.

“Relax, breathe in and out. I was just wondering about this outfit for tonight.” She spun around, the ruby red dress flowing behind her.

“Perfect.”

~~**~~

Hercules stared, his mouth open much like a fish.

“Iolaus?”

“Yes?”

“You’re wearing a dress.”

“I know, looks good doesn’t it? I think it hugs all the right places.”

“That’s not the point. You’re-wearing-a-dress.”

“I’m your date.”

“You’re Iolaus in a dress.”

“I think we’ve covered that much.”

“But, but...”

“Come on Herc, no woman wants a commitment with you. Word’s gotten around that a marriage to you leads to death, talk about fatal attraction.”

~~**~~

“So where did you get the dress from?” Ares took in the view until Xena hit him over the head with a saddlebag.

“It’s part of a new line by Ridgemus Forrestmus, from Forrestmus Creations. Nice little house of fashion in Rome, family run.”

“Aha, Aphrodite got it for you?”

“Yes.”

All of a sudden, from the other side of the camp a noise was heard. Gabrielle slowly stretched and sat up. Thousands of ant bodies were stuck to the left side of her but she failed to notice.

“Oh my God! I’m pregnant with Joxer’s baby!” Her green eyes darted from left to right and she sucked in her cheeks to look dramatic as her two companions burst out laughing.

DUM DUM DUM!

Does this leave room for a spin off? What will Joxer say, maybe it’s not his after all. Maybe it was one of his identical brothers! Will Xena and Ares be forced to have the child as part of the wedding party? All this and more if I ever write it, battle on Xena!

The End