ADMIRATION
by Taleen

There she is, my tall, proud, deadly beauty.

See how her silken hair blows off her shoulders, how the sun glints off her weapons, winking with every stride? Like an angry lioness she stalks through the high grass, looking about, looking for me. Calling my name.

Wonder what I've done to piss her off this time?

I could fix it. I could give her such ecstasy, make her flame with my slightest touch… as she could do to me, if only she would let herself go. Why does she deny me, deny us? I don't want to change her anymore; I want her the way she is. I love her, haven't I proven that? Why can't she trust me now?

I must feed my power, or lose it, and that means battle, the clash of arms. I'll bet it's the Amazon thing, and the Romans, and that damned brat Liv— I mean, Eve. I know, and shake my head, my beloved is nothing if not singleminded in her motherlove. Once more I am guilty, by her call, by the tone of her voice. She knows I am never far away. She cannot believe in my innocence.

I do love her. But I must be—what I must be. Only, this time, this once, she's wrong about me. If I could only make her understand…

Call me again, Xena. I will always come to you.

It’s what I do…
by Shipper Queen

It’s what I do…

Hell, to be perfectly honest, this little shindig is about as far from what I should be doing as Aprhodite is from black clothing. I should be riding into this battle with a thrill, that soaring feeling in my stomach, and a deadly glaze in my eye. I should be looking forward to seeing the Amazons kneeling before me, conquered and enslaved. Damn it, why do I feel like I’m going to a funeral?

I sigh, shaking my head, and pause in the ether, not sure whether I want to proceed or not. Because if I do, I will in a sense be going to a funeral. Mine. Goodbye to the mortal Ares, goodbye to the man that Xena smiled tenderly to as we sat before the fire in that shack.

Things have changed with me, she knows that. But she’s she’s not gonna trouble that gorgeous head of hers trying to figure out what’s going on inside my brain. The outcome is what counts to her, after all. If I get my ass into this battle, turn my back on her, and do the god thing… it’s over. If I stay here…it’s over as well.

I don’t want to hurt her or her daughter, really I don’t. But I’ve got my godhood to worry about here.

If I do what she wants, she’ll give me a pat on the chin, maybe even a small kiss, and be on her way. And there I’ll be, sitting behind in her dust, watching her disappear again. Been there, done that…got my heart broken.

I need something in this life. My family’s gone, Xena’s gone, or she will be soon…and my followers are halfway gone too.

Damn it, shouldn’t someone stick around?

I smile and shake my head – she’s got me good, this one. Preparing to go out and get her brat and call the whole thing off, I hear a loud voice inside my head.

The thrill, the feeling that I should have gotten when I first came comes over me, and I can hear her.

“Ares? Why are you doing this to me!”

Seething at once with rage, I appear to her. Me doing this to her? I’m trying to preserve the last threads of my life here!

“Do you know the story of the scorpion and the swan?”

I swear she’s looking straight through me, more with sadness than anger at this point.

“It’s what I do,” she whispers, although afraid of her own words.

I stroke her hair gently, breathing her in.

"That’s right," I tell her.

Then she turns around and looks at me, and I know I better beat it fast. Because she knows exactly what I’m doing here even if I don’t…and that scares me.

“It’s what I do,” she repeats to me later, when it’s all over. I grin at her, heart contracting with love. Because this, kicking my ass, acting indifferent…it’s not what she does either. And we both know it. We’re lying to ourselves and each other here, but only being able to fool ourselves.

“And I wouldn’t have it any other way”

Responding
by Nittany Lioness

{She's calling me again with that old familiar anger. Once more into the dance. <sigh> I don't think I want to clash with her...anymore.
Funny. <sigh, again> I'm a god again, but I feel tired. Where is this forsaken weariness coming from?
She's really mad this time.
I think I'll answer her and let her spar with me to get to the bottom of it. Clashing swords with her at least affords me her attention again. Sometimes when we're fighting, I tell myself that passion in her swordplay is the hidden real deal- that masked love she mutilates, twists and brandishes back at me with her forceful parrying of steel.

I know I'm just pretending. When has she ever really given me cause to believe its anything other than contempt.
Damn her.
Maybe I'll remind her who's a god.
Yea...I can get a good push in before I materialize, knock her off her feet.

There she is. And yea, here I am, Xena, right behind you.}

"Have you ever heard the story of the scorpian and the swan?..."

{Can't believe she can still sense me invisible. I'll just give a shove....uh, she smells amazing...I ...can't....oh that smell...I just want a second to take that in...
Oh Xena, why can't you.... ! ...she's grabbed my hand! What are you doing... why are you doing this to me, to torture me?...I can't believe she's leading me to her breasts, can't believe her body is responding so.
What does this mean? Xena...oh Xena...I could take the weight of you forever...let us BE like this...forever. Wait...!}

WHAT I DO
by Maid Serendipity

It's what I do.

And ya know, I used to love it. I really did. It was what I LOVED to do. These days...eh...I don't know. Maybe it's the loneliness here at Olympus getting to me, but I've found myself longing more to talk and walk with these humans, and fantasizing less about setting them at each other's throats.

Sickening, ain't it.

Sometimes I wonder what has reduced me to this state, but that's just to distract myself when the silence around here is screaming at me. Because I know. I mean....yeah, I know. There's no question. There was only one force ever able to change me, and she has a name.

Xena.

Yeah, that's right. Everyone knows it. WOO HOO, getta load of Ares, he's gotta thing for the Good Girl. It's pitiful...I know that.

But there's nothing I can do about it. Sometimes I hate her, but I always love her. Sometimes I hate myself for loving her, but sometimes...sometimes it almost makes me love myself. I close my eyes and gulp against the pain of loving her, and I feel GOOD. Naw, I mean, I feel terrible, but I can feel, inside me, this..."goodness"...that was never there before. It won't go away--believe me, I've tried--and I swear I can almost feel it growing every time I think about her, and that blond- headed friend of hers, and...BAH...that's when I catch myself and start hating myself all over again, but there for a second...somewhere in an unconscious moment there when I'm not thinking, and just feeling...for a moment there it feels good to feel GOOD.

But that's not what I DO, dammit! Not in the job description. So I'll snap out of it and zap out of it, and get as far away from these echoing halls as I can, for awhile. Go somewhere where my ears will be filled with music of rage...where howls of pain resonate, like, yeeeeeah... Where riding the waves of a hopeless battle can make me forget the one I've got crashing on inside.

But somewhere in the glorious middle of it all I'll watch a soldier fall with a cry on his blood- speckled lips and it will all go bad. I'll remember...and I'll wince...and the blades will stop singing and everything will go silent--that muffled silence that fills your ears until you can't hear any sound but it rushing at you and pulling you down--and I'll just stand there amid the mayhem feeling very tired, and thinking it's all a damn poor shame.

Because war just doesn't make the sense it used to make to me, anymore. And that's a damn shame, too. Sometimes I cry over that like I'd lost a child, because no matter how hard I try, I just can't get it back.

So I finally thought...maybe if I could just fight her again, everything would fall back into place. Maybe if I could relish her as foe, instead of missing her as friend, my world would swing back into proper orbit. Maybe if she would just look at me with that old ice in her eye again, instead of that warmth that I just can't forget....maybe then I could really, really hate her.

So I figured something involving the Amazons would get her attention fast...and that corrupting her protégé Varia would tick her off...and I was needing to find a way to amuse the armies of Rome for a while, anyway. Now, getting Eve dragged into it, well, that was just a lucky coincidence, but I was downright giddy when it happened. Figured that should do it. Would be enough to make her hate me beyond all hope. And then life could get back to normal.

So I came, of course, when she demanded I should...but for the first time in a long, long time, I didn't show myself to her, immediately. I needed...those few seconds...of seeing her before she saw me. Had to give myself time to remember. Time to start to forget.

And she was hurt, and yeah, something in me was happy about that. It felt good, for a minute, to know that she was hurting as much as I was.

Except she wasn't.

So I came up behind her and touched her in an old way I knew she wouldn't have forgotten ...spoke to her in her ear, close, the way that I used to...back when she listened to me. And it was like old times, because she was my girl again, almost...she remembered, and she threw back her head, and let herself be in my arms, while she listened, and decided what to do about me.

And my practiced story was ready, and my words flowed as planned . But I...I dunno... I couldn't even think, and I think it was because of her hair. The smell of her hair. You don't get much more personal than when you are close enough to recognize the distinct odor--MAN, like a aphrodesiac, heavy and intimate--of someone's hair. As individual as a fingerprint. And I held her, and I knew her smell. From the lifetimes I'd lived in this life with her before, I knew her scent. And I missed it so much.

So I barely even knew what I was saying, I just knew that I was holding her, and that the universe was spinning timelessly around our juncture in the middle of some nameless field...pinpointing on the all-important fact that her hand was holding mine...was moving on mine...and that she was somehow stiffening and relaxing in my arms all at once...tension and release...resistance and submission...and AAAAAAH, it was biting into the apple all over again, with her saying "no" while I knew that she was really wanting "yes".

And my story was spinning towards its pointed end, but I didn't feel triumphant...I just felt tired. So tired, and so sad, and I couldn't even remember what I'd wanted this story to mean to her. I only realized that now something in me was wanting to try to tell her...tell her why...that I knew she had tried to help me along the way, but now she had to understand...this is what I do.

And she knew. She was way ahead of me. As usual. Before I could even say the words, she was whispering them herself.

And it made me mad.

It made me mad that she knows me that well. That she reads my mind. That she knows my steps before I make them, and my words before I form them, and my thoughts before I can by-all-the- gods-she-damned even THINK them, and GAAAAAAH, most of all it made me mad that she sounded so sad, because it was HER FAULT. There wasn't a choice, anymore. I had to do this, because this was what she'd returned me to. I'd given it all up for her...once...and she hadn't even wanted me then. She'd sent me back to being her enemy, and hadn't called me since. So I guess she didn't even care that sometimes I got thirsty for blood, and that sometimes I tried to drown myself in it, and that sometimes it made me retch like a mortal.

So even as she leaned against me, trusting me, I pulled out a silent, angry knife, and slipped it in. I made her believe a lie...and why did that feel so new? I made her think that I did still enjoy it...this whole gig...wanted her to fear that in the end it would be the swan who would wilt in the water, used and defeated, and not the scorpian. Wanted her to believe that, even if I couldn't.

So I dunno...after that, it all went bad, and my throne room has a couple of new doorways to remind me how even when my plans concerning her go right, they go wrong. Because it didn't work. Turns out making myself hate her hurt just as much as letting myself love her, and making her hate me again was even worse.

She called me back again later, and I stopped kicking myself long enough to put on a game face, and show up, and complete the idiot I was making of myself. I mean, I couldn't not go to her...couldn't not finish this thing I'd started...but I was all out of plan. How to fix things with her? How to make it OK to foil each other, and keep stopping short of destroying each other? How to ask her to tango with me again, after the slow waltz we'd shuffled into during my mortality?

These were my challenges now that I'd made her my enemy again, and I splashed around her as if to say, come back in Xena, the water is better than ever...let's play again. But I was floundering...foundering..and when she told me she was taking me down, I wanted to tell her, it's too late, Xena...I've already drowned, in you.

And after that...I guess my heart just wasn't in it, anymore, and I didn't have a clue where my head was, so I abandoned the mission and just let it play itself out. Stood back and enjoyed the subsequent cat fights because, hey, chicks bashing each others' heads in...who can resist? Other than that, I just watched Xena do her thing...that fabulous thing she does...yeeeah, just playing with everyone...because she can have it her way anytime she wants it.

That's how I knew handing me the apple meant she didn't want me.

So I lied to her again, and maybe things are getting back to normal, because this time it was easier. I told her I wouldn't have it any other way. But I would have it ANY other way. Because the way things are now...I think it's killing me. Seriously. I mean, hey, I've been mortal...I know what it feels like, to be dying in slow, excruciating pieces. I've felt it weighing down my bones, and seen it crawling on my flesh, and known it panting on my heels. Death. That's how I know I'm dying, now, in the soul I never knew I had before. I can feel bits of myself falling away, and whether it happens in great chunks...or grain by grain the way that dunes slide under the sea...it scarcely seems to matter anymore. I only know that it scares me, because where do immortals go when they die?

So tonight I'm just gonna sit here, like a schmuck, licking my wounds. I'm gonna regret every iota of this "goodness" crap that I ever let seep into my brain, and I'm gonna curse Xena's name until I start to believe I mean it. If I get real introspective I might wonder why seeing the warmth come back into her eyes again, there at the end, made me more frustrated than ever. And why the sadness behind the warmth made me feel like maiming someone. And why that someone was myself.

GAH. Anyway, then tomorrow I'll get back to work, and find another activity with which to occupy the young war-bucks of Rome. If they're so eager to die and leave their families and girlfriends to mourn, who am I to stand in their way. And if they want to believe there's honor in it, maybe this is their fate. Maybe this is what they were meant to do. Maybe I was meant to enable them.

I think I'll find the most meaninglessly violent squirmish possible to set them to. Maybe the more bloody it is, the better I'll feel. Maybe if the innocent hurt it will be cathartic. Maybe the less sense it makes, the better. Maybe that's what I'll keep telling myself.

After all...

...it's what I do.

EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED
by LadyKate

It's dark here in the Halls of War, except for the unsteady amber-tinted glow of a couple of torches. I could make dozens more flare up with one flick of the hand, or even without one. But I like it better like this.

I'm mostly staying away from Olympus these days. Never cared for the place much, and now it's got a strange feel to it, with Dad and Mom and Athena and most of the gods gone. Some of them weren't dead, it turns out -- that smug bastard Apollo, Hermes with those ridiculous little wings on his pudgy feet, prim and proper aunt Hestia. They all went into hiding when they got wind that Eli's god and his feathered underlings meant serious business. Now that Aphrodite and I are back and they figure it's safe, they've come slinking back, the cowards. They've cleaned up the mess that was left when Athena was fighting Xena and now they're busy pretending that things are back to normal. Well, let 'em. I don't mind. I just stay away.

I sit here in the almost-dark, a silver skull glaring at me from the armrest of my throne. I should be thinking about that nice war I've got going between the Romans and the Amazons. Almost going, anyway. I need that war if I'm going to rebuild my following; it's hard to think of anything more pathetic than a god with no worshipers. But the truth is, I don't want to think about it too much. I imagine walking through a battlefield and surveying my handiwork. It used to be -- exhilarating. Most of the time, it still is. But sometimes… Well, I lived as a mortal for more than two years. Sometimes, it's a little too easy to imagine myself in place of one of those soldiers, dead or dying in agony. Or even to think of their widows … like the ones who would sometimes offer me a hot meal and a roof over my head in my mortal wanderings. Sometimes, it's too easy to remember that I've seen war from the other side.

Actually, I'm sitting here waiting for a call. From her.

Xena. Xena, Xena, Xena…

I keep thinking about the last time I saw her. It was not long after she gave me the golden apple and made me a god again, and turned down my offer to be a goddess with me. (Not that I ever really believed she'd agree.)

She was back in Greece with her little sidekick. I had promised myself I'd stay away -- she was bad for me, really -- but I couldn't resist looking in on her as she lay in her bedroll on a campsite. The blonde was sound asleep just a few feet away, but Xena's eyes were open.

This time, when I shimmered out of visibility, I didn't look back.

And here I am now, thinking about her again.

Varia, Queen of the Amazons and my new protégée, is holding Xena's daughter. The fool came to Amazon lands leading a peace mission from the Roman emperor, even though the previous queen, Marga, had banished her on pain of death. Not surprising, really, considering the number Eve did on the Amazons when she was Livia, Champion of Rome -- before she got her brain fried. I don't especially like to think about Livia, though … I don't like the way it makes me feel. I really don't have anything to be ashamed of, do I? Xena had been gone for twenty years and I knew I'd never see the like of her again. Then I noticed a girl who had potential; she would never be Xena, but she would do. I trained her, spurred her on to new conquests, took her to bed … it was nothing I hadn't done before. I was -- am -- the God of War. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.

Anyway, that's all in the past now. Livia is now meek little Eve, Messenger of Drivel. And if Varia has her way, she'll be preaching her message to the worms. I hadn't counted on Varia grabbing Eve. I could have told Varia to release her, or just spirited the girl out of harm's way myself ... even if it cost me that nice big war I've been planning. But then it would just look like I was desperate to get back into Xena's good graces… or doing her a favor so that she'd owe me. No, I'll let the Warrior Princess handle this one on her own. I know she'll pull it off ; I just want to see how she does it. Soon enough --

" Ares!"

Here we go.

I can see her now, marching resolutely through in a grassy field near the Amazon village, her eyes blazing. In an instant, I am there. But I don't show myself, not yet.

"Ares! Come out!'

"Xena…"

I'm speaking to her now, but I'm still invisible.

"Ares -- why are you doing this to me?"

She's really pissed off … but she also sounds … hurt. I never had the power to hurt her before, not really. I'm not sure how that makes me feel.

"Xena … "

She's fully alert now, her sword drawn, turning this way and that, trying to figure out where my voice is coming from. I've thrown her a little off-balance. Well, turnabout is fair play.

"Tell me, Xena … have you heard the story of the scorpion and the swan?"

She sounds bitter now. "You haven't even got the guts to face me."

"See, the scorpion needs to get across the river and he asks the swan for a ride. And the swan figures -- it's not much of a risk. The scorpion wouldn't sting the creature who's carrying him over the raging river…"

"My daughter's about to die because of you, and you're feeding me fairy tales?"

"Bear with me -- it's worth the wait. So, about halfway across, the scorpion stings the swan…"

As I speak, I hold out my hand and send out a wave of power. It makes a crimson glow spread over her belly, and she throws her head back, her eyes closed, her mouth half-open as the heat courses through her body. You can walk away from me, Xena, but don't forget, I'm a god now. I can make you feel things.

I lay my hand on her, and suddenly her hand is over mine. Then I remember that night in the forest clearing, when my touch made her gasp and moan with no god tricks, and suddenly I don't want to use my powers anymore.

" … and as they're both being swept to their death, the swan asks the scorpion, 'I was helping you. Why did you sting me?' And the scorpion answers …"

The glow has faded. Her voice soft, she finishes for me, "It's what I do."

"Yeah -- it's what I do," I say. I'm breathing in the scent of her hair, I'm caressing her neck and her shoulder and she lets me. Xena, Xena, Xena, don't you see I'm dying here? If a god can be dying… "See, I lost a lot of worshippers when I became mortal, and I need something major on my scorecard."

"Like the biggest war in centuries…"

She doesn't sound angry anymore; she sounds sad. She's touching my hand again. I could stand like this forever.

"No -- in history…" Wait a minute. Is she feeling sorry for me? Do I sound like I'm telling her that I'm saddled with this job now, like it or not, and I have to do it? No, dammit. I want her to see that I'm back, really back. "Those crazy Amazons, those ruthless Romans … both of them worshipping me for success in battle…" I chuckle. "Oh -- what a blast. I'm the god of war and that's what I do."

Now I've done it. Now she's pissed off. She whips around, facing me, her eyes hard.

"You son of a bitch. You think I'm gonna let you kill my daughter..."

"She wasn't invited to the party. She got involved of her own free will."

Her eyes narrow dangerously. She believes me, I can see that. But she's still pissed off.

"I may no longer be able to kill gods, Ares, but I'm not gonna let this happen without a fight."

Why am I scared of her? She can do nothing to me now. And yet --

"I believe you."

And with that, I'm gone.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I just can't stay away from this infuriating woman. I hang around her, invisibly, as she prepares to fight Varia. She sniffs me out, of course, and calls me out.

"You're here to gloat," she says bitterly, walking toward me. "Now, that you got your godhood back, you got everything you've always wanted, haven't you?" And she shoves me in the chest, hard enough to knock over any mortal.

I have to fall back on bravado and clever gibes. "Well, not exactly everything, but hey -- que sera. And come on, I'm not begrudging you what you want. Go in and grab your kid, I won't get in the way." I wonder if she can she see how nervous I am; dammit, I hardly know what I'm saying. "In fact, I'm kind of looking forward to see you take on a few dozen Amazons. Way-hay!"

She snorts in disgust. "Yeah, that'd be a nice warm-up for the main event, huh?"

I'm prancing around her like a schoolboy trying to hit on an older woman. I know I look ridiculous.

"Hey, can I help it if I've played this like the malevolent genius I am? Remember what the scorpion said."

"Ares …" She smiles a little, then shakes her head in exasperation. "The scorpion drowned."

Something about the way she says it makes me stop in my tracks. I watch her walk away briskly. The way she said it… she wasn't gloating, it was more like she was trying to warn me … as a friend. I can't believe what I'm saying.

And then it hits me.

Now that you got your godhood back, you got everything you always wanted, haven't you?

There was that hurt in her voice, once again. I think I know what you were really saying, Xena. You got your godhood back and you got what you wanted from me -- and you don't care anymore.

She doesn't really believe that, does she? Besides, she's got some nerve saying that -- she was the one doing the love'em-and-leave'em bit.

I suppose I should be mad at her right now. But I'm not. I know she cares.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

It's over. Eve is free. The war is off. The Amazons have deserted me.

If this is such bad news for me, why do I feel like laughing?

I make myself visible, clapping. I got to see her in action -- not just kicking ass but carrying out one of her brilliant plans. That feels good.

"You planned this all along, didn't you?" And then I am laughing. "You are -- so good!"

She gives me an enigmatic, dreamy little smile. And suddenly, it's just her and me again, just Ares and Xena. I still get to her, I can see that.

"It's what I do…"

Of course it's what she does. Once, the first time I tried and failed to turn her away from her quest for redemption, I told her, "Even as an adversary, you are one of a kind." Now, I suddenly know for sure that as long as I'm the God of War, I want her as an adversary. I don't want her to leave her path -- haven't wanted it for a long time. War is my job. Stopping me is her job. And maybe that works out fine, because there's a part of me that wants me to be stopped.

I grin at her. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

She's still smiling as I disappear.

I think I'll see her again. Just because we're adversaries doesn't mean that's all we can be to each other … does it?

by Enyo

Warning: Mushy stuff ahead.... This is Ares narrating a la YAT. The first paragraph though is a little bit of insight on the ending of YAT. I thought it appropriate since this was their last interaction before POV.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disillusionment, disappointment, anger, sorrow…so many things I felt the moment that she turned away from greatness…from me, yet again. Perhaps the pain is more severe because I saw the yearning in her eyes. When I offered the promise of immortality, the promise of eternity at my side…oh yes, I saw the need, the wanting…almost believed I saw love reflecting in the azure depths of her eyes. But I shook myself to reason and realized that probably it was nothing but the reflection of my own feelings. Nothing but my own yearnings looking back at me. Yet I could have sworn that for a moment I saw the shadow of tears clouding her beautiful gaze. And so I turned and walked away from her as a Powerful God once again but feeling more frail than any mortal soul.

Anger filled me days after, a terrible anger that boiled angrily like lava fighting to burst through the surface. I could not fathom that such weakness permeated my whole being, that I would be damned forever with the need of her, that I would be tormented by her name, that I will forever be haunted by her face. I felt as restless as a caged lion. Eager to resume my life as I knew it before, deep down hoping that my duties would help me forget her and ignore the emptiness that was devouring me.

And so I went in search of an army eager to follow my commands, ready to cause havoc once more in the name of Ares. I had almost forgotten the sad reality though. Mankind no longer believed in Gods. Word of the demise of the Greek Pantheon had spread, and I stumbled upon the remnants of our reign. Ooh the sweet irony of it cruelly struck me in the face, for I had been partly responsible for the status quo, and I laughed, I bitterly laughed at the situation I found myself in. A God without worshippers was a new one to me, but then I reminded myself that I never lacked resilience before and went in search of an answer.

Sweet strong Amazons, leaderless run around in circles of confusion and desperation. They had been thrust into an unknown world and were in desperate need of guidance. And so I became their new mentor. For a moment I felt a pang of guilt, like a vulture, eating from the carcass of my sisters, but thankfully my survival instincts were stronger than my impractical new found conscious. A bothersome trait that plagued me too often lately, something I didn’t wish to acknowledge at all.

But I think the fates were maliciously conspiring against me, for there she was invoking my presence again. It seemed that no matter how much I tried to stay away, our paths were forever interlaced, I was bonded to her, doomed to our perpetual confrontations. I knew the reason she was there, somehow her daughter had involved herself in my latest tryst. But that didn’t matter at all. For me, time seemed to stop as she stood there. Magnificent as ever, her powerful aura almost blinding me, her beauty exuding a sensuality that almost bowled me over. By the Gods how I wanted her, how much I loved her.

I couldn’t help myself, nothing could have stopped me then as I went to her and indulged in my need. At first it was a subtle touch, a soft caress that was nothing but a whisper of my desire. I held her against me almost afraid that she would turn away from me, but to my delight she did not, and instead gave into me. I felt her leaning against my strength, placing her hand on mine, absorbing the heat that emanated from our bodies and I felt a searing exultation coursing through my veins. I heard the faints sound of music from far away, and realized that it was the thunderous beating of our hearts, dancing in unison as the heat of our needs was reaching a fulfilling crescendo. Her desire rivaled my own and I knew then, for in that moment she could not hide from me. I could see through her, feel through her and the revelation did nothing but anger me more, because I didn’t understand why she kept insisting on our separation. She felt my withdrawal, and the enchantment came to an end.

Why? She asked me, and what could I say? I refused to fall under her spell again. I mean, I still have some pride for goodness sakes! I could not let her see how much she affected me, never again would I give her that power. I had to save face somehow and so I played our old cat and mouse game, but it saddened me to realize she had not expected anything less from me, always ready to expect the worst when it comes to me. Ok, what can I say? Yes I’m weak I admit it. Where she is concerned I’m all talk. Everybody knows that by now, even me, so if you were expecting something else, you are gullible. And so I tried to explain myself, to make her understand that this is what I am as inconspicuously as possible with that scorpion tale, but to no avail.

I walked away, not worrying about her well being. I knew she would find a way out of this predicament. She always did and that is one of the things I love about her. Always trust Xena to find the answer, nothing for her was impossible. No, I did not worry about her, I knew everything would turn out to be just the way she wanted. It surprised me that I didn’t feel much bothered by the fact that this was probably the end of my liaison with the amazons. I didn’t feel as irritated as I usually did after one of my plans had been foiled by her, but then again, nothing is as it used to be, nothing would ever be again.

“Ooh Xena….what have you done to me”

The sound of her name is nothing but a painful echo in my heart. The feel of her skin still vivid as if I was still holding her in my arms, the taste of it even more delicious than ambrosia itself.

“Damn her to hell!”

Why did she torment me so? Egad, I was feeling just as demented as the time I was possessed by the furies. This woman is going be the death of me somehow. But I knew of course that I loved her, and that alien feeling came hand in hand with all those annoying emotions. Ah, she’s always had this effect on me, even when I didn’t realize my true feelings for her, when I used to call this need an “obsession”.

Ah the memories come floating around me invading my peace of mind. The first time I confronted her, the first time I tried to bring her back to me. She looked so beautiful, so serene and so proud in chains.

What do you want… I want you back of course…

Ha! If only I had known how prophetic that would turn out to be. How easily she escaped from me, the first time of many to come.

Well played, my dear. Your choice was totally wrong, of course, but even as an adversary, you are one of a kind.

Oh yes she is…

I know my choice was the right one for me

Away from me. Always away from me. Why do you fight me so?

“Go ahead, kill me. I’d rather be dead than come back to you.”

Even then, I wasn’t able to harm her, even though she had severely injured my pride with her rejection. And yet, amidst all that I couldn’t help admire her resolution, her strength made my blood boil with wanting. Ooh yes, I wanted her then more than ever.

"No, life isn't worth living. It's to be taken, and beaten, and wrestled, and formed in your image. That's where the meaning lies in what you can twist life into. For those who just endure life, yeah it is a very nasty joke. But for those who form it with their will, the joke is on those who get in the way."

Yeah, what a nasty joke indeed, on me!. So many mistakes. I wish I could escape these memories, how can one escape the past?

Oh, yeah. It's all about you and me, Xena…Just the two of us bringing peace and order to the world through force something you and I were destined to do together."

It’s always been about you Xena…

"First, it is not a job. Second, Xena never asked me for anything. That's how I knew she was the one.

Yes, I’ve always known it was you, even if I didn’t fully understand it myself, my own motives, my own needs.

Even if you kill me, you've already lost Then it's only fair that you pay for his life with yours

You and I …have we ever known peace?

… you intend to murder a woman I'm rather fond of."

My own father…so many regrets. What is it with those I love and me? Everything I’ve cared about and touched has turned into dust.

I love you Xena

"Then you're wasting my time. I'd never swallow that."

As stubborn as always, you remind me of myself…

Why are you so obsessed with who she is now? Tell me you don't feel anything for the real Xena, the good Xena

You always got to me but you were bad for me, Ares. You still are."

You know I’ll never stop trying.. I expect nothing less…

"It's what I do." And I wouldn't have it any other way

No, no I wouldn’t. I realized in that farewell. What Xena has taught me is a miracle in itself. She helped me rid myself of the boring apathy. She brought me out of a shell that alienated me from everything around me. Yes, my love for her weakens me, but at the same time I feel stronger than ever, no longer filled with emptiness, but with an overwhelming feeling I’m eager to explore. Thanks to her I have re-invented myself. My existence is no longer meaningless. And I can accept the better part of me without shame. Yes I love her, how can I not?

All this time I’ve been trying to bring her back to my fold, when it turned out that she brought me to hers. What do I do with this newfound insight? I don’t know, but what I do know is that this deity is in dire need of reverence. I better find myself new worshippers and soon, my ego has been neglected long enough. Hey, don’t look so surprised; after all I’m a God, not the next contender for sainthood.

“I think you might be surprised about the change you can inspire in a man…or a god.”

I love you Xena

the red-glow scene from Ares' pov
by Carly

The sky is clouded; I move a hand and a ring clears about the moon. I watch light and darkness battle; see the star beside the moon and remember its name. This is what I can do.

When I look back to my mortal days, they seem so long ago. I can hardly believe I knew such petty concerns. That house seems so small. It was as though I had been shrunk to fit my human body; and yet when she called me a man, it was as though she called me something great.

How can that be greatness? I want to know. No, I want to show her what greatness is. So I become a voice to her, that moves about her, startles and disturbs her. I become a fire, that kindles her from within. And then I become a man for her. Her hand rests on mine an instant –

I am who I am, but at her touch I recall what it was to be a man.

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